


Taste buddies

by kihyunie0514



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Friendship, Homophobic Language, I'm really bad at tagging, M/M, Romance, ShowKi is alive so am I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 14:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13342866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyunie0514/pseuds/kihyunie0514
Summary: Them? They inhabit the opposite ends of the spectrum.





	Taste buddies

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, first of all I just want to say that I'm euphoric right now!!! It's raining ShowKi at the 32nd GDA I'm crying!!! Where's my fellow ShowKi shippers at? We've been Blessed..Going back, this isn't proofread so pardon my sorry ass if you find any grammatical errors and such.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

It bugs him the first few days -- Kihyun's sudden interest in his own culinary skills. Specifically, baking skills. But soon enough, it doesn't. 

Shownu suspects that it's either because of Gordon Ramsey, since Kihyun can't stop rambling about the man and his mad cooking skills for shit, or his mom's visit last Christmas. They didn’t have the chance to go home for Christmas -- they had a schedule that's why. And Kihyun's mom was kind enough to go down and pay them a visit. She cooked a shitload of food -- apple pies, roast beef, mashed potatoes, sauteed asparagus, Portuguese tarts -- and Kihyun joined this merriment, rendered ecstatic from his mother's unexpected visit, always accompanying his mother anywhere and everywhere. Including the time when she cooked, cooked, and cooked. Kihyun's mom is the best. Shownu can still recall just how the Portuguese tart melted in his mouth, how his teeth easily sliced through the piece of heaven.

When Kihyun's mother left for home, there was a lot of hugging and sort of tearing up. Especially on Kihyun's part; he seemed dependent on his mother then. 

A day later, Kihyun started baking. He pored over recipe books and articles, taking notes of anything and everything, hands mimicking the instructed motions while eyes narrowed in concentration. Even if there's no wooden spoon or bowl in hand Kihyun just mimes the motion in practice. Sometimes, he edged on looking ridiculous. Shownu and the others never comment upon it, thinking that it's just a phase. People have those. Hell, Shownu has those. He can never forget that incident with that bike and that eyeliner. And don't let him start on his list of teen phases.

Kihyun and him, they're not really close. Hell, they have a year age gap, and that alone is enough to make them roll in different groups of people. Monsta X may be one group, but it's further branched according to interests and age. 

Them? They inhabit the opposite ends of the spectrum. But Shownu is the only person who loves their house, who enjoys spending his time playing games, at home, so Kihyun sees it fit to sample all his food on Shownu. He is the only person left in the house, excluding Kihyun, after all. So their eventual closeness is understandable.

Shownu generally has no problem with this new development. It's a plus. He has the chance to eat Kihyun's products of baking, and he doesn't even have to lift a finger. Kihyun, apparently, doesn't like his Kitchen-Chi disturbed. Shownu still watches though -- watches Kihyun as he scurries about the kitchen, observes as the man tries his hardest to whip the cream properly, gazes as Kihyun curses and coos at his work. Yes, Kihyun resorts to verbal name-calling when his cakes or cookies or crumbles refuse to create the expected result.

"Hyung you want some?" Kihyun asks, emerging from the kitchen door. 

Shownu just woke up, his eyes still puffy with sleep. He blinks, trying to clear the fog before his eyes. He can feel a yawn threatening to break out, but he restrains it, his mouth only parting a bit to suck in some much needed air. Kihyun probably wouldn't appreciate the morning breath.

"What did you bake?" he asks, already sniffing the sugary sweetness of the air. It smells like caramelizing brown sugars. 

"Chocolate chip cookies. Just made it this morning," Kihyun informs, righting his apron. 

Shownu smiles at the sight, because the apron he has on is frilly, pink with lace trimmings. Kihyun had told Minhyuk to pick him up some aprons for his baking spree, Minhyuk had decided to utilize his sense of humor. 

"Goddamn apron is making my skin all itchy," Kihyun complains, tugging and pulling at said material. 

"Oh don't cut yourself short babe, it's flattering for your womanly figure," Shownu remarks with a smirk, leaning a hip against the doorway. 

"Kinda completes the finishing touch to your docile wife image. You're rocking it, I have to say." 

"Hyung if you don't shut your trap you sure as hell won't get anymore food from me."

Shownu mocks a gasp. "Surely that's too drastic!" 

"Serves you right." Kihyun nods, thinking that he has the upper hand to this. 

"Nah, you'll still give 'em to me anyway. Cos you're an obedient wife like that." Shownu pinches a cheek, and strolls into the kitchen, inhaling the thick scent of sugary chocolate chips. 

He sees some on the cooling rack, beautiful babes lining the metal grill and looking positively gorgeous.They're cooled, he can see. No warm vapor wafts into the air and the chocolate chips have thoroughly hardened. It's a very welcoming sight to see so early a morning. Yes, he can already taste the chocolate chips mellowing to form dark, sweet, and thick viscous liquid against his tongue. He swallows at the thought. 

Grabbing a piece, he bites into it. He moans, whimpers, and his foot automatically kicks at the cabinet, in that order. It's good. Like really, really good. The brown sugars mingle with the chocolate chips and send bursts of sweetness in his mouth, making his teeth all tingly. It's sweet (too sweet some might claim) but Shownu has one hell of a sweet tooth. He doesn't have a problem with Kihyun's cookies. He almost whimpers again when the cookie practically melts in his mouth. Absolutely wonderful.

"This is good," he moans, opening his eyes to look at the slouching figure against the kitchen counter. He didn't even realize he had his eyes closed. 

Kihyun stands straight and extracts a hand from his pocket. Twisting his finger to imitate the shape of a gun, he blows at his index and middle fingers. 

"I'm the best." 

Shownu just rolls his eyes. 

*

Red Velvet Cupcakes

Things progress after that. Their friendship, like the chocolate chips when cooled, solidifies. Not due to the cool air or something as equally invisible, but because of some undiscovered common grounds. Like the fact that the're both an only child. And the particular fact that they both love tennis ("No. Djokovic is better, dammit.") even though they can't play for shit. Also the fact that they love food, which is a huge ground to cover in itself. Kihyun likes to create them, Shownu loves to consume them. It's a perfect match. The other members of the group are aware of their physical appearance, especially their weight, but the both of them have a high metabolism. It's a win-win situation.

But they do have some rocky roads barricading their grounds, sometimes.

For example, Shownu loves playing games. He can't seem to emphasize that enough. Games are nice. It hones his strategy skill, his expertise with knowing fist fight-centric vocabularies (which he never fails to show off to Jooheon) and ironically, his people skill. He meets lots of people through his interest with games; he adds them on Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He connects with these people, talks to them on a daily basis, even if it's only for a couple of minutes. Just to get some updates on stuff. 

Kihyun is totally against the idea. 

"Hyung, that's just creepy," he comments, hand beating cream cheese, butter, some vanilla extract and sour cream together. Shownu knows because Kihyun has asked him for the damned recipe hundreds of times. Shownu still has the recipe open in another window, just in case Kihyun wants to reconfirm. Again.

They're in the kitchen, Shownu sitting on one of the stools, laptop open on the counter before him, and Kihyun doing his baking thing. He arches an eyebrow at Kihyun, even if the man is focused on his concoction. 

"What do you mean by creepy?" he asks, propping both elbows on the wooden counter. 

"One, you're communicating with strangers and practically telling them about your personal life and two, you're an idol. Don't you even know the meaning of privacy? They might wanna kidnap you or something." Kihyun actually stops his furious beating, setting the frosting aside. The cupcakes are already perfectly and precisely arranged on the cooling rack. A press to a piping bag, and a deft whirl of Kihyun's hands, and they will be done.

"No, I don't think so. I mean, it's not like I tell them I'm an idol or anything. It's a fake Tumblr account by the way," he says, ignoring Kihyun's raised eyebrow, "which means my virtue is safe."

"Really?" 

"Really," he assures. 

"I've always wondered, how the hell can you coop yourself in that room of yours everyday? I mean I'm anti-social, which is understandable from the amount of attention and all, but you take it to a whole new level."

"Hey, once you explore the internet, there's no turning back. They have a ton of shit in there." 

"Sounds dirty," Kihyun remarks. "Here, try this." Kihyun nears him, a bowl clutched tightly against his belly. His finger swipes through the thick and dense mixture and then practically shoves it into Shownu's face. 

"Whoa, relax," Shownu wraps Kihyun's wrist in a hand, sucking on the extended finger. "S'perfect. I love vanilla," he adds.

*

Sugar Cookies

"This is too blatant." Shownu says. 

"What?" 

"These Valentine's Day cookies. They're too blatant." 

"How so?" 

"How can you actually give someone this type of sappy shit?"

"Have a display-of-affection complex, do ya?" 

"Shut up, I don't. I just don't believe in showing affection using shit like this, okay?"

"Uh huh, whatever you say, Romeo."

Kihyun turns his attention to beautify the sugar cookies; huge hearts covered in a layer of red frosting, dips and curves accentuated by the white lines of icings. Shownu just munches on his own large sugar cookie as Kihyun decorates the others, his is a big heart with a chocolate smiley face on it. 

It's made specifically for him.

*

Brownies

When Minhyuk asks why they're spending too much time together, Shownu honestly doesn't have an answer for that. 

"I dunno, we just do," he says, just to fill the silence. 

"Are you guys, like, dating or something?" Minhyuk guesses, leaning an elbow on the edge of the table. 

It's still morning, the sun just breaking its first yellow ray. Minhyuk is uncharacteristically early, while Kihyun is uncharacteristically late. Maybe it's because of the endless session of baking blondies last night, but the fact is, Kihyun is still asleep and Shownu is stuck here with Minhyuk. 

Minhyuk and his prodding gaze and questioning eyebrows. 

"No," he replies, blowing on his coffee. It's poorly brewed, the type of coffee he hates. He and Kihyun have their own stash of good coffee, but Kihyun's the one responsible for hiding it. Shownu doesn't know where the fuck it is. Kihyun makes sure to shelter it somewhere safe and untraceable, which explains his current destitute state. He gulps his coffee, wincing at the vile taste that assails his mouth. 

"Then why are you guys suddenly all nice and bestfriend-y?" Minhyuk insists. 

"Bestfriend-y?" Shownu scoffs, trying to veer this conversation away from the topic at hand. "You seriously need to polish your vocab skills man. Changkyun has better vocab than you." He doesn't mean it in a bad way. It's a compliment. Sure his wording may sound a bit degrading, but it's the thought that matters. 

"Oh my god, that's rude hyung. I'll have you know that I was the one who helped Kyunnie his Korean speaking skills, and FYI, I totally aced my vocab..." and Minhyuk goes on and on and on, presenting proposition after proposition to support exactly why he's good, no, brilliant in Korean. 

"Whatever you say." Shownu mutters by the time the man ends his tirade. Shownu stands up and places his mug in the kitchen sink. He makes sure to rinse it, just for the "housekeeper's" sake. Poor Kihyun works himself to death cleaning their vast dwelling. Especially in their shared room. The sloth (read: Minhyuk) never really knows how to clean his own damn bunk.

He walks into Kihyun's shared room, making sure to grab his car keys on the way. He needs to wake Kihyun up. The man had asked Shownu to accompany him to buy some groceries today. 

*

Shownu continues rolling the cart passed the assortment of flours -- Top Flour, Bread Flour, All Purpose Flour, Self-Rising Flour -- and drags his cap further down his face. It's not necessary, since Kihyun brought them to this store which, he thinks, is still stuck in the 90s. No one would recognize them. Rather than the auto-tunes of today's songs filling the store, old trots replace it instead. It reminded him of Monsta X Ray Season 2 Modern Boy episode.

The old woman with the permed, ramen-like hair behind the counter barely spared them a glance when they entered the small establishment, but Kihyun smiled at her nonetheless. He looks positively giddy at the prospect of buying shit for his baking extravaganza. Not that Shownu minds, he is the person who's going to consume the whole thing later. He might leave some for the kids, but from the way Jooheon has been munching on his stash of cookies, he's not really sure. Maybe, just maybe.

"We need chocolates. Unsweetened ones," Kihyun informs him, looking down his list. He, too, has his cap on. Shownu figures it's a force of habit rather than anything else. 

"Do they have those here? Seriously Ki, it's like being transported back to the olden days," he looks down into their cart. "I'm still surprised by the fact that they have" he picks up a bag of chocolate chips, heavy and slippery in his hands, "this thing here." 

"They wholesale, amazingly. So you can find lots of shit here," Kihyun looks up at him, righting his glasses. It suits him, the glasses. They complement his chiseled face. Kind of makes him look handsome, too. "The mini-mart image they're pulling off is kinda deceiving." 

"That's an understatement."

"Hah! Found it," Kihyun cries, running for one of the aisles. It's a tight fit, walking in-between the aisles. But Kihyun is nothing but determined. He squeezes his way inside, while Shownu struggles with the cart, and makes a fist-pump when his hand curls around two packets of unsweetened chocolates. He looks small under the shadows of the looming aisles.

"Mission accomplished then?" Shownu asks, heaving. 

"Mission accomplished."

*

The brownies, when it comes out of the oven, are dense, thick, and sinful. It's chocolatey and sweet without being too sugary, tinged with a zing of saltiness from the one teaspoon of salt. It melts in his mouth, covers his teeth in dark brown chocolatey treat. It makes him want to weep. 

"I'm in heaven. Ki hyung, I should call these gems Orgasms or something." Jooheon said while blatantly devouring a large piece of brownie.

Shownu doesn't want to argue. He can't anyway; he's too busy moaning to Kihyun's brownies. 

*

Lasagnas

They're baking some lasagnas back at Wonho's place, who has decided that he's too fine a human being to actually live with them. Odd enough, he takes Hyungwon to be his roommate. They live only a few blocks away and more often than not, still sleeps in the dorm so the move is nothing drastic. 

It's a housewarming party, and Wonho, with no sense of shame or reluctance, assigns the both of them for kitchen duty. It doesn't include washing or cleaning the kitchen, just preparing the food, and Shownu is down with that. Being in the kitchen with Kihyun comes with an incentive. Yup, nipping at every creation Kihyun has managed to produce. 

They're going to watch the game tomorrow Shownu doesn't exactly know which, but he knows it's something sporty. He believes that something which is a "game" must certainly be a "sport". That's what his father always says. Boys should know of these kinds of things, he would add. 

"Hyung stop eating. You're such a pig," Kihyun nags, thwacking his hand with a ladle.

"Hey, you got tomato sauce all over my hand," he whines, still trying to maneuver his spoon into the sinfully gorgeous-looking lasagna. It's smoking hot, cheese still bubbling and he can see from the clear pan, the inside all gooey and thick. He can already taste the salty milkiness of the cheese, combined with the intense and sweet taste of beef. His mouth waters, hand clenching anew with determination. 

"Just one bite, Ki," he adopts a British accent. "I implore you my good man!" 

"You're so begging for it." 

"You make it sound as though it's a bad thing," he smiles when Kihyun finally stops blocking his way. Sauntering carefully forward, he pierces his spoon inside, almost groaning when it sinks easily through the layers of pastas and beef. Man, food is very sexual. "Shit, I can have sex with this thing," he comments, placing the very, very large cut on his plate. Aromas of spices pervade his nose; he can smell the oregano, the basil, and the black peppers. 

"You can, but do it in another place," Kihyun says, lining the four deep lasagna pans on the counter. One has the evidence of his deeds all over it. "I don't wanna take part in it." 

"You would so love to see my ass." 

"Oh I love asses alright," Kihyun tells him, pointing at him with a spatula. "But I doubt that I'd like yours." 

"What do you mean by that?" he asks. He tries pulling a joke, just to get rid of that irritating downturn to Kihyun's lips. "Don't tell me you're one of those fags or some shit like that." 

He doesn't understand the silence, but when Kihyun's voice finally comes, he has a hard time swallowing his food. 

"They didn't tell you?" Kihyun's face morphs, showing disappointment and sudden fear. "I am one."

*

Banana Muffins

Shit goes downhill from there. Shownu can't help it; he's a devoted Christian, so of course shit like this bothers him. It's not that he wants to experience the feelings he currently does, but propriety demands that he should. 

His mom says that gays are heathens -- that they deserve to rot in the deepest pits of hell. His father enthusiastically supports her perception, always telling him excerpts from the bible that further their claims. It's not only for gays, though; his parents do a lot of things according to the bible. His father especially, always telling him what a man should do, always pressuring him to move and act like a real man. Like him. Marry a woman, pop 2.5 kids and live in a house with white picket fences. Though his dad only popped 1 rather than 2.5, he still sees himself as a real man. 

Of course he follows his father's rules, always does. His dad and his mom have a pretty strong marriage, and he wants that kind of marriage: stable, long, and normal. Gay is not normal. Being gay doesn't offer those kinds of blessings.

He distances himself from Kihyun, because he doesn't want to be infected. Even if remorse and disgust gnaw at his heart, he ignores it. His father has always been right. He should stay as far away from Kihyun as he can.

It doesn't stop him from noticing though -- marking the new slump to Kihyun's shoulders and the way he drags himself to places rather than walk with the bounce he usually has. And he can see, from Kihyun's body language and face that the man notices, too. The sudden decrease in interaction, that is.

The baking sessions have depleted, and the house rarely smells like the usual butter, vanilla and sugar. He misses it, misses the way Kihyun would run around the kitchen, muttering curses at his failure and shouting gleefully at his victory. Though he doesn't blatantly sit at the kitchen stool anymore, he still brings his laptop to the table in the dining room. The room is directly situated next to the kitchen, and if he just angles his body right, tilts his head just right, he can steal glances at the frilly-apron clad man. But it's a rare occasion. 

Even if Kihyun bakes, he usually does it quietly. Soft pitter-patter of utensils rather than the clanking and banging of metals against each other. He doesn't see Kihyun stumbling over his own foot and falling onto his ass -- he's always careful now. Rigid and precise. He doesn't even hum like he commonly does. 

Sometimes he wonders if being normal is really worth it. 

*

It's early Friday morning, the house is quiet except for the low growl of the fridge, the soft whisper of the air-conditioner, and the shouts from the TV. Shownu is in his designated seat, because Kihyun is baking today, amazingly. He saw some bananas when Kihyun drags himself into the kitchen, and from the scents that permeate the dining room, he's probably batching up some banana muffins. He remembers Kihyun telling him about wanting to try the new recipe he found. He still remembers the jovial look on Kihyun's face. Apparently, banana's his favorite. 

He barely resists the urge to barge into the kitchen and just look at Kihyun as he makes the muffins.

The main door bursts open, bringing the warm wind of the summer air and the two disheveled figures of Minhyuk and Changkyun. They're grinning like a pair of loons. 

"I propose we go camping!" Minhyuk announces, intentionally gathering attention. The beaming man seems to bask in the attention given. 

"We can't, you jackass," Wonho who went for sleep over last night (of course with Hyungwon) replies, an arm propped on the back of the couch. "We don't have the time." 

"Ahah! That's where you're wrong, Lee Hoseok," Minhyuk replies smugly, supporting a hip against the doorknob. Changkyun looks confused and delighted at the same time behind him. It's like he's excited at the prospect but still isn't sure of what exactly that prospect is. "Manager just rang me. No show, no interviews, no photoshoot -- nothing, nada -- for the whole weekend." 

"You shitting me?" Jooheon asks, eyes wide, face showing his shock. 

"I shit you not my child. It's really happening. So!" Minhyuk claps both hands together. "What better way to spend this summer weekend than to venture out into the wild and camp?" 

"You crazy?" Hyungwon voices out, finally distracted from his phone. "We have a whole weekend off and you wanna spend it getting bitten by mosquitoes and some other shit out there?" 

"He's right. I'm out." Wonho adds, nodding just to reinforce his agreement. 

"But," Changkyun starts, and Shownu can see the sneaky hand nudging Changkyun forward. Minhyuk is one manipulative fucker. "I've never camped around here before. I would love to see more of this side of Seoul." Changkyun is really into it, utilizing his puppy eyes and all. "Please hyungs?" 

"Ah, goddammit," Wonho relents, throwing both hands into the air. "This is your fault!" he stands up after pointing an accusing finger at Minhyuk's grinning face, and turns to head to his shared room. He swivels to look at Hyungwon first though. "Hey, we gotta pack." 

"Okay." Hyungwon follows the man out of the large living room. 

Kihyun emerges from the kitchen bearing a tray that has muffins on it. Shownu does a silent victory howl in his head at his absolutely right assumption. However, the glee from his ability to guess correctly doesn't last long.

Because Kihyun -- he doesn't look good. Bags and dark circles decorate his eyes, and he looks pale and weary. Like he's being weighed down by something imperceptible. His hand itches to give him a pat on the back while his arms tingle to wrap themselves around the firm waist. 

"Hey baby, you okay?" Minhyuk coos, and Shownu stamps on the spike of irritation upon hearing his tone. It's utterly unfitting for a grown man to speak like that. Especially to another fully grown man. Minhyuk's a retarded fucker.

"Yea, I'm fine. Tired s'all." He doesn't know why, but Minhyuk immediately flickers an accusing gaze at him. He fidgets under the discomfiting stare. "Here, would you like some muffins?" 

"Of course, baby," Minhyuk automatically replies, sauntering to near Kihyun. Too near, too close, in Shownu's opinion. He restrains the urge to bare his teeth in disgust. "When did you bake these?" 

"Oh, just now," Kihyun replies. He moves to face Shownu, slowly walking towards him. Shownu can feel the telltale of anxiety creeping up his legs, the sudden awkwardness chewing at the empty air. It shows from his jiggling leg. "Want one, hyung?" 

Shownu shudders upon hearing that. It's been a while. Hell, it's been a fucking long time since Kihyun last spoke to him. But it is no one's fault if not him. 

"Sure," he says, shooting Kihyun a mostly sincere grin. He feels uncomfortable, aware that the others are scrutinizing their interaction. Taking one in his hand, Shownu almost moans out loud when the scent of bananas assail his nostrils. It smells delightful, sweet and fucking perfect. 

"I made sure to add extra vanilla extract."

When he bites into the muffin, it's hard to push the lumps of sweet treat past the tightness in his throat. He knows it's one of Kihyun's best works, from the moans emitted all around him and his own taste buds. But he can't really decipher the explosions of flavors because all he can taste right now are dread, remorse, and shame.

*

Cheese Bread

The warm July air covers his skin, cologne hidden under a layer of perspiration. The hike up the hill behind their house is not really that intense, but let's just say too little of exercise, and too much of Kihyun's cookies make the simple task of walking arduous. 

His legs scream at him, groaning and whining with every movement and his back is practically moaning in protest. The bag he's carrying shelters their equipment for the weekend, and he's in charge of the tent. Three tents that is -- his and Changkyun's, Kihyun's and Wonho's, along with Minhyuk, Hyungwon and Jooheon's. His hand clenches around the stick he acquired a few minutes ago at the thought.

Eyes immediately fixing on the two figures just a couple of bodies before him, Shownu ponders. Why the hell would Wonho want to share a tent with Kihyun anyway? The man has been quite cozy with Hyungwon, and this sudden decision to pair with Kihyun kind of irks him. He knows those two have a history, because Jooheon told him as much. He had been curious to Kihyun's life, his gay life to be exact, and over a cup of coffee, Jooheon filled him in on things he clearly does not know of. 

Sure, he admits, he's ignorant. But he never pegged himself as oblivious before. 

When Jooheon mentioned the brief "thing" Wonho and Kihyun had during No Mercy, the intimate gestures and secretive glances the men had been exchanging kind of make sense now. But the blooming sense of jealousy does not, though. He doesn't want to identify it at first, but the niggling feeling is too persistent, too determined to ignore. He's rendered helpless; can't do anything except admit his feeling for what it is. Jealousy. 

It makes his hands all clammy and his legs fidgety. Because the implication of that one emotion can be a door that could open up a whole lot of other possibilities to reason why exactly he is jealous.

"Okay! I think this is the best area we can ever find around here," Minhyuk announces, sweeping a hand over the view. He doesn't know the specifics of the shit they can find behind their house (after all, they never really venture out here), but there's actually a small creek that flows down the hill. It may be narrow, but it's a refreshing sight nonetheless. It's also conveniently situated beside their clearing, so that's a plus. 

"We all have our appointed partners, so you know, let's break up and fend for our tents on our own," he grabs Jooheon and Hyungwon by their collars. "We're just gonna place ours right over there." he points to a particular spot nearest to the dense woods, before dragging the grinning boys with him. 

Shownu lets out a heavy breath, and turns to look at Changkyun who's staring differently at him. It's not that he doesn't like the idea of being paired with their maknae, it's just that he knows Changkyun is Kihyun's favorite dongsaeng and he also knows that Changkyun might be silent a lot of times but he is indeed observant of what was happening or troubling his favorite hyung. 

"Where should we build our tent?" 

"There would be nice." Changkyun gestures to a spot just a couple of feet away from team Minhyuk's tent, and Shownu shrugs. His eyes flutter to look at Kihyun. Kihyun who's currently walking too closely with Wonho. 

"Hey hyung, what's wrong?" Changkyun asks beside him. He looks at Changkyun's questioning face.

"What?" 

"You were growling. That's weird hyung." 

"Oh," he clears his throat. "Just a sore throat, s'all."

"Okay." 

Then they move to set up their tent, Shownu trying to avoid looking at Kihyun and Wonho too much. They have chosen a spot nearest to the creek by the way, the spot of land on a higher ground than theirs, totally fucking private. 

*

"Man, those guys don't know what's headin' their way," Hyungwon comments, tilting the mouth of his beer in Jooheon's direction, who's agreeing wholeheartedly. 

Shownu doesn't know what they're talking about, he's not paying attention. All of the members are huddled before the bonfire, warm and relaxing even if the weather is already hot as fuck. Well, all except for one who excused himself about twenty minutes ago. Not that he's counting or anything. 

He has already divested himself of his jacket, leaving only his tank top. It's the white one, which he sure as hell will have a hard time removing the stains from all the dirt he's gotten intimate with today. The conversations flow like slow molasses, languid and calming, and he revels in the soft hum of his friends' voices. He tries to drown the voices in his head, and even if it's not exactly working effectively, it's still nice. 

"Damn, you're a hipster." Minhyuk says, somewhere to his left. He turns to look at the man, who is frowning at Wonho. 

Shownu tries to not notice just how relieved he is of the fact that Wonho's not with Kihyun. 

"Haters to the left," 

"Your dick curves to the left."

"How the fuck would you know?" Hyungwon voices out, sounding suspiciously angry. 

"He has a lopsided butt. It's all about balance y'know."

The man looks relaxed, well only for a second. "How the fuck do you know he has a lopsided butt?" 

Shownu chuckles, shaking his head. He sees the movement from the tent way over at the creek, tilting his head just a bit to catch a sight of Kihyun. He sees a mop of hair peeking over the low tent. Sighing in exhaustion, he curls a hand around the neck of his bottle and stands up. 

The stroll to Kihyun's tent runs smoothly, only interrupted by the jagged rocks that litter the pathways that render him to halt once in a while. He curses the smoothness, because if the trail was more difficult to walk through, it would buy him some more time. He doesn't know why he's precisely heading to meet Kihyun, he just thinks that he should. His compulsion demands that he should.

"Hi," he greets. 

"Hyung," Kihyun replies.

Kihyun is reclining against a huge rock, a hand wrapped around a bottle of beer. Shownu notices the sweat that covers the bottle, marks the torn label. And the air smells like alcohol, too. He notices these kinds of things because he's stupid, nervous and all tied-up inside. 

"Can I sit?" 

"Knock yourself out," Kihyun says flatly, as though muttering those words are already taking so much of his energy. It makes Shownu want to chew his lips and furrow his brows, but he doesn't. Kihyun wouldn't appreciate it. He sits himself on a small flat rock, probably worn by the worsening weather. They're close, but not close enough. He places his beer beside his foot. 

"Want some?" Kihyun extends a hand with cheese bread in it, soft and fluffy looking, encumbered safely in a plastic wrapper. He takes it willingly, always eager for Kihyun's baked goods. 

"Did I fucked up real bad?" Shownu asks, propping both elbows on his knees, straight to the point, no pretenses. They need to sort this shit out. They've wasted too much time already. He raises his gaze to look at Kihyun, hates the fact that the man can't even look at him. Kihyun gives him a weak shrug. 

"I disgusted you too much?" 

"Fuck Ki," Shownu runs a hand through his hair. "You don't disgust me. You never have." He looks at the dirt underneath his shoes, digging his heels into it. "You have to understand, my parents are Christians. I've never been aware of stuff like this, and you," he motions at Kihyun, "when you told me about that, I...I freaked out, okay." 

"I understand," Kihyun says softly. Shownu lifts his head, looks at Kihyun who's staring intently at the ground before him. "My parents are too. It's just that..." his voice turns barely audible, and Shownu strains to hear it. "To have your leader/almost best friend turn a cold shoulder on you after your dad practically disowned you, well, it kinda stings hyung. A lot." he adds. 

Shownu feels like the lowliest pile of dirt in the world. He's worse than scums and liars; he's a fucking dick. 

"Hey," he surges forward, laying a palm on Kihyun's shoulder -- just a hand, nothing more. He doesn't want to freak Kihyun out. Kihyun looks at him. "Hey, you're not disgusting or anything like that okay. Look, Ki, I'm so fucking sorry. Like so,so sorry," he tightens his grip. "I'm such a dick."

Kihyun huffs, letting out a bitter, humorless laugh. "Look at me telling you about my father complex."

"Ki, shut up," he says sternly, leveling his gaze with Kihyun. "There's nothing wrong with you, don't be stupid, okay." 

"Could've fooled me," 

"Hey..." he urges again, maneuvering himself to sit next to Kihyun, leaving the bread to settle on the rock. "Just stop that bullshit, okay." 

A long silence embraces the night after that, the sound coming from somewhere to their right not registering in Shownu's mind, which is working furiously like a well-oiled motor. His head whirls, crammed full with anxiety and weirdly, excitement. 

He thinks he has a pretty good idea as to why he's been wanting to punch Wonho in the face lately, or Minhyuk, or Changkyun, or anyone who has contact with Kihyun, for that matter.

"Then why did you do it?" The voice is hushed, low and weak. He doesn't need to specify, he knows what exactly Kihyun's referring to. The sudden withdrawal, the unceremonious and uncalled-for avoidance.

"As I said, I freaked out," he takes a deep breath, "and I was trying to come to terms with some shits." His voice has gone quiet, pressed low under the burden of pure anxiety. 

"What sorta shit?" Kihyun asks, sounding genuinely curious. His voice is still quiet though, soft and soothing, just like the night.

Shownu fixes his gaze on the lone leaf lying on the ground, hand creeping down his lap and making its way to Kihyun's. He feels the smaller hand enfolded by his, curls around it tighter just for strength. 

"That I like seeing Chocolate Chip Cookies in the morning, that I don't mind waking up at the asscrack of dawn to Brownies with you, and that even if I do some shitty things like Lasagnas again, I probably won't let it pass like Banana Muffins, I would Cheese Bread every Lasagnas I've made. That even if we have some Red Velvet Cupcakes between us, I still want the others. The ones I've experienced, the ones I haven't."

It's abstract, he knows. 

"What the hell are you talking about hyung?" Kihyun sounds utterly confused. 

"Come on Ki, think about it," he says, not looking at Kihyun. 

He wants Kihyun to decode the whole thing. Figure out that Shownu wants to see him in the morning. That he doesn't mind shopping with Kihyun and being someone Kihyun can rely on. That he may make stupid shit like leaving homophobic comments but is always willing to apologize. That even if there are differences between them, he still would like more -- more of Kihyun. Wants to experience all those past moments between them again and again, and wants to experience the ones he has yet to discover. He can't say the literal words, but he hopes Kihyun would just get it.

"Hyung..." Kihyun nudges an elbow to his rib, forcing him to face the man. Kihyun's eyes are wide with disbelief, his mouth slightly gaped open. "Is my mind right?" 

"Sometimes I feel like giving you Sugar Cookies."

He doesn't know who made the first move, doesn't know how, but Kihyun is suddenly in his lap, and Shownu's hand is in his hair, an arm around Kihyun's waist. Wet and hot mouths slid against each other, and Shownu prods Kihyun lips open, groaning when he tastes Kihyun's mouth, tastes the cheese and the sugar. Kihyun's arms are coiled around his shoulders, one hand rubbing down his torso to settle on his chest, making him moan when the small hand settles on his nipple. The hard little nub in between his middle and index fingers -- a thin sheet of cotton barricading him from bare skin. Sucking on Kihyun's tongue and licking at his lower lip, Shownu brings the warm and willing man closer, slots their hips together. His body thrums with satisfaction at how well they fit each other, how good Kihyun feels against him.

They part with shuddering breaths, foreheads firmly pressed against each other. 

"Fuck, you don't know how long I've wanted this, " Kihyun breathes. "We doin' this?" he asks, still sounding cautious. Shownu doesn't want Kihyun to ever feel cautious about them.

"Fuck yes," he replies, before bringing Kihyun's lips down for a kiss again.

* 

Wandering deft hands slide over slick, sweaty skin, and Shownu muffles his moans against Kihyun's throat as he continues punching little whimpers out of Kihyun, shoving his cock deep and hard. Gripping the thighs on either side of his waist, he brings Kihyun impossibly closer, thrusts his hips faster, Kihyun's feet at the small of his back, his hand jerking Kihyun's cock frantically. 

"Fuck fuck fuck, yes..."

Shownu cums with a low growl, Kihyun cums with a loud scream. 

"Fuck yes, you bitches owe me fifty bucks," Minhyuk's shouts outside, followed soon by the groans from others. 

Shownu shuts his eyes tight, and huffs out a groan against Kihyun's throat, settling his full weight on Kihyun. His body is all tingly and thrumming with satisfaction, Kihyun a warm comfort under him.

"Oh lord," he pants. 

He can feel the soft rumble of Kihyun's chest under his, feels his laugh tickling his ear, his hand in his hair. 

"Blasphemy," Kihyun says, running his fingers through Shownu's hair.

Shownu pushes himself to rest on his elbows, raking his gaze down Kihyun's face; sweaty, flushed and grinning. 

"Know what? I don't think I give a damn right now." 

And then he kisses Kihyun, again.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways, please give Spotlight MV a lot of love and support!!! Congratulations to our boys for winning another Disc Bonsang :)


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